Love to Hate

This Week’s Bit of String: On the bad list

Year 10s strike again, keeping us extra busy now exams are finally done and the Year 11s have mostly left. There are the usual tousles: squirting water bottles at each other or nicking a pair of scissors and cutting each other’s hair during lesson.

Worse, some of the boys who actually behave all right in class have caused a stir amongst their peers by teasing or revealing lists of People They Hate.

A Year 10 girl I work with is worried. She feels angsty about the added drama. And though she doesn’t say it, no one wants to learn they’re on such a list. We can tell ourselves we don’t deserve it, but if we learn someone dislikes us, it shakes us to the core.

When I was a freshman in high school, I referred to hating someone and the senior I adored with all my heart informed me, “Hate is a very unattractive quality.”

Talk about being shaken to the core. I shied away from the word and indeed the feeling pretty much ever since. I’d been talking about a man at our church who had been so unstable toward his daughter, a friend of mine, that she had to go into foster care. But still. I’d let it slide in order to not be considered unattractive.

My latest read

My student is older than I was then. She carries grudges with the expertise of a heavyweight lifter, but I’ve never heard her use the word hate about a person, much less a literature character. Yesterday in English class, we discussed our semi-grudging admiration for Lady Macbeth.

As a sophomore in high school, I wrote an essay comparing Lady M to Scarlett O’Hara from Gone with the Wind. You had to credit their grit and determination, but you wouldn’t necessarily enjoy knowing them in real life.

Maybe, I mused, that’s another gift books bestow on us: the chance to admire someone we’d have to dislike outside the page.

Empathy Versus Rage

Likewise, in books we can dislike a character without feeling morally compromised. I recently read Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder, and a character in there annoyed me quite a lot initially.

Dr. Swenson is formidably hard-working and intelligent, but she seems convinced she’s superior to everyone because of it. I really wanted someone to stand up to her, or prove her wrong with quiet composure. Briefly, I even rooted for her to be killed off.

In real life, there are plenty of unpleasant people in my work, but I always seek reasons to extend, at the very least, sympathy to a student who’s a bully. There’s a boy in Year 10 who shouts, “Do you have to be so violent?” when I tell him to stop talking while the teacher’s talking. Or I’ll go to start him on his English class assignment, and he’ll smirk and ask me, “Do you even gym, bro?”

Not that clever, this performance for his mates. But I’m not sure this boy can read very well at all, so he probably feels insecure and embarrassed about that. The odds are stacked against him and therefore, he deserves my care and not my anger.

It makes a nice change to let myself get mad at someone, safely within a book’s pages.

Gender Gap

Obie cat in his own state of wonder.

I wonder if gender plays a role in our feelings for book characters. Lady Macbeth has been stigmatised for centuries, but as a result I think a lot of women feel an affinity for her.

Since I study Macbeth with new classes every year, I see a lot of Lady M but she grows more inscrutable to me, in a way. Why does she so quickly become obsessed with Macbeth becoming king? (Uh, spoiler alert, by the way.) Was her lot so terrible, and how did she believe it would improve? Shakespeare doesn’t really give us enough of a “Before” picture to understand her motivations.

And if Dr. Swenson in Ann Patchett’s novel was a man, she’d be as insufferable as tech bros with their idiotic God complexes.

But she is a woman instead, and so while her arrogance offended me, I also trusted that this more modern writer would execute enough twists and possibly allude to enough backstory to make me care about Dr. Swenson and give her credit by the end. Until then, I enjoyed the ride, relishing the opportunity to detest someone with zero consequences.

Who are the literary characters you love to hate?

New Pleasures Prove

This Week’s Bit of String: Tale of two benches

Last Saturday night we went on a date. We got dinner from the chippy and sat in the rare clear evening on a bench above the car park. 

“Like two yoofs,” my husband said as we popped open our cans of Rio tropical drink. “But without the cheeky ciggy.”

After our chips, we did a cultural about-face at the town cinema watching a broadcast of the National Theatre’s excellent The Motive and the Cue. Based on diaries from when John Gielgud directed Richard Burton in Hamlet, it made us want to see the actual 1964 production. It was my kind of nerdiness and luckily, my husband was all for it.

20 years ago

I remembered when we first moved to the town, new to the area (in my case, new to the whole nation) and unsure how to entertain our 3-year-old. We wandered up to a school playground on a typical cloudy afternoon. A plain, plasticky bench had a slightly rusting plaque: “In memory…” and a person’s name.

“Not the most flattering tribute,” said my husband.

“Well, it doesn’t say ‘In loving memory’ or anything,” I pointed out.

That made him laugh, and I felt smart and seen for a minute. That didn’t often happen in the first months as an immigrant and wife.

This week is our 20th anniversary. We’d used a John Donne quote from “The Bait” on our wedding invitations.

“Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove…”

I didn’t really have an idea what those pleasures would look like (does anybody?), and it took us a while to find the confidence and freedom–and economic stability–to come up with the successful melding of tastes like we had last week.

If That’s All We Have

It took time. Two decades ago, our wedding song was Louis Armstrong’s “We Have All the Time in the World,” from the James Bond film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. That is my husband’s type of nerdiness: gadgetry and fast cars and also outer space.

When we met and I was nearly 20, I was keen to lose myself. The movies we watched were ones he thought I should see, and I was thrilled to be trusted with them. We had 20 days together—weird how this number keeps popping up today—between meeting and my return from Old England to New. At some point in that mad rush, he played “We Have All the Time in the World” for me, and I was moved to the point of no return.

I’ve written about time before, though. It can be more romantic when you don’t have much of it, in the same way we sometimes use it better when we know it’s scarce.

When we said our wedding vows and I eventually sorted the paperwork for our kiddo and me to emigrate, the dream of being together became a promise. One of those takes more work than the other!

Poses like these! New Orleans, New Years 2024

The effort has been amply rewarded. My husband is a musician, so in addition to being immersed in James Bond and Star Trek, I get to be a jazz band groupie. I would never have imagined that my cautious British physicist would turn out to be a star poser for photos, or that he’d come along to Shakespeare performances.

Sticking with it for the amount of time that change requires is a small miracle. Other times, we swoop to each other’s rescue in an instant. That’s another miracle: when one vulnerable person reveals their desperation and their partner responds with care, no matter how lost and alone they too may feel.

Suddenly You Flare in My Sight

If a story equals character plus event plus time, there are infinite combinations. I come up with fiction ideas by asking “What if…?” sometimes about real-life situations, but not usually about my personal ones. Lately, though, I imagine alternative realities which would have unspooled had I made different choices.

The three of us

We often liked to tell people, if they asked how we met, that we never would have if he’d been a moment later heading back to his uni, and had missed the train. But what if we’d met seven years ago, or ten, instead of twenty-three? If we met the same way, as students with no assets swiftly adding a child to the mix—we’d never have been able to live together as a family. The immigration laws are so tight now, they keep increasing the amount a British citizen must have in the bank to earn the right to bring an international spouse home. I ache for the people kept apart because of this, because of meeting each other a decade too late.

This helps me appreciate what we have, and I track our moments of delight in my daily scribbles. As favours we gave all our wedding guests copies of Wendell Berry’s poem “The Wild Rose.” He compares his longtime partner to a wild rose blooming… “where yesterday there was only shade, and once more I am blessed, choosing again what I chose before.”

There are so many twists in life which we can’t control, and always a fair few choices to regret. It’s nice to remember the ones we’re more than satisfied with, even—dare I say it—proud of. What surprising choices would you make all over again?

Et Tu?

This Week’s Bit of String: Big wheels and street songs

We camped near Stratford-Upon-Avon over Easter weekend, our first visit there in nine years. A pretty Cotswolds town fiercely proud of being Shakespeare’s birthplace, it’s added a Big Wheel to rival the church spire and the tower of the Royal Shakespeare Company Theatre.

Just trying to have a quiet think.

People snap selfies with the statues of famous Shakespearean characters surrounding his statue in the park. Lady Macbeth’s knuckles and the pate of Yorick’s skull are worn smooth by 150 years’ worth of tourists rubbing them for luck. Narrowboats mass on the Avon in front of them, cherry blossoms sway, and a street musician sings “To Make You Feel My Love.”

What would the Bard think of it all? I suspect he would have been okay with most developments, as long as they bring money in. And it wasn’t as if he was humourless. The range of topics he covered in his plays, he doesn’t seem completely traditionalist either.

A Theatre Trip

*Does contain spoilers for a centuries-old play about millennia-old famous historical events

My husband and I went to an RSC production of Julius Caesar while in town. It’s fascinating to me that Shakespeare chose to write this play, and frame the Conspirators with nuance and sympathy, even admiration, when he lived in a strictly royalist time. What could the preservation of democracy mean to him? This play contrasts with the anti-regicide message of Macbeth later on, for example.

We were completely engrossed by the show, although checking online later, it’s had a few sniffy reviews mixed in with decent ones. The director went for fairly plain costumes and set. There was a solemn, black-robed chorus between some scenes, just as the Greeks and Shakespeare would have intended. Between others, there were choreographed group scenes a bit like marches or parties or riots.

Daft, I know, but I had to get an “Exuent, pursued by…” photo with this Bear at the RSC Theatre.

This aspect was quite different and a little confusing. I’d looked at the cast list already, though, so I could pick out Brutus and see that her motions represented her inner conflict. I do wonder if some of the same people who criticise the choreographed segments as being too gimmicky, too distracting or confusing—might those not be the same people who advocate for opaque literature, for leaving things up to interpretation? So, I have interpreted it, and find it interesting, and thoroughly believe I would pick up more detail if I had the time and means to see it again.

Both Brutus and Cassius were played by women, which I felt made their friendship more moving, particularly in their parting scene. They were sisters-in-arms. Maybe I’m being egocentric and enjoying a chance to see my gender reflected more in traditional theatre. But perhaps there’s also an objective poignancy in seeing two women take on the accepted power structure, rather than two men do it.

At least one reviewer, as well as an elderly theatregoer my husband overheard, complained about how these two leads kept male character names while using female pronouns, and also kept some lines referring to the characters as men. I was not flummoxed by this. When Mark Antony repeats in his famous speech, “But Brutus is an honourable man,” it’s obvious who he’s referring to.

I wonder again if people who quibble over the lack of matching names/ pronouns/ gender language will wax lyrical about symbolism and analogy in Shakespeare. I suspect they know he’s not always literal. Maybe they just have certain buttons that get pushed when a young Black woman plays Brutus.

Death Scenes

The actress playing Brutus is Thalissa Teixeira, and she was riveting, with a cool elegance befitting an honourable soldier, and moments of passion which showed why she would have such loyal friends. She has ties to Brazil, and you can read how that influenced her portrayal of political upheaval and rebellion.

Brutus’s servant Lucius was played by Jamal Ajala, a deaf actor of colour. So some scenes at Brutus’s house were signed as well as spoken, and the director Atri Banerjee chose to have Lucius reappear in the final scenes as the friend who assists Brutus’s suicide. Brutus’s request to him and his acquiescence were completely silent, only signed. This made it much more striking.

Some juicy juxtaposition right here.

I had to read a lot of Shakespeare in my American high school and university years, much more than the strictly exam-based curriculum in Britain demands. Having been inundated mainly with his tragedies… they get a bit samey. There’s a lot of hand-wringing leading-up-to-death scenes, and this version put the hands to good use. For a taste of what I mean, here’s a video of Jamal Ajala performing Hamlet’s soliloquy in British Sign Language.

Shakespeare bestows an element of control on his characters’ deaths. People get to have little speeches and even Caesar, after he’s been stabbed by several people, doesn’t die until he’s sort of consented to do so: “Let fall Caesar!” This must have been how Shakespeare wrestled with the brutality of life in Tudor/ Jacobean times, when there probably weren’t many poetic farewells. Not during executions and plagues. I doubt he would have begrudged today’s directors and actors using his work to make a mark on society, to make it more inclusive and diverse.

What do you think about Shakespeare, and about reinterpretations of it? Is adding a Big Wheel to the literary landscape a betrayal tantamount to what Brutus did to Caesar?